Monday, August 3, 2009

Read With Us - Chapter 4

Join us as we continue reading Lynnette Kraft's In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me.

I think anyone can understand the physical and emotion exhaustion relating to handling so much change in only three years. With having two little ones running the household and dealing with the still very present pain of losing Samuel - Lynnette finds herself pregnant again. I think it would truly be moments like this that you would begin to second guess your decision to let God lead your path, (at least as far as family planning goes). I can see how she could have been quite overwhelmed already and then God has more in store for her - whether she is ready or not.

If you have experienced labor, what was yours like?
Personally, a home birth is not my cup of tea. I actually find comfort in knowing that there is medical intervention if needed. I like that assurance. I know that many woman like the idea of experiencing labor and delivery as it was intended... not this girl! I have no regrets about how I delivered my son. I had intended on receiving an epidural, which I did shortly after arriving to the hospital. I had been experiencing large amounts of back labor, so the epidural really allowed me to relax. I felt that I was totally aware, physically and mentally for what my body was about to do. I still felt a lot of pressure while my son transitioned down, and while I pushed. But for the most part - I was really able to focus. I am also relieved at my preconceived decision to have pain meds because I experienced a horrendous tear (no lady, not the traditional way of 3rd to 4th degree tear here). No - I am referring to an "upward and forward" direction. That's enough - I won't get too into it, it still makes me squemish :) Basically, another reason I will have an epidural with another baby.

It must have been absolutely heartbreaking to find that she was about to lose another child. She and Kyle did have some time to prepare (as much as one could) with the prognosis of Samuel in utero, but this was a different story. They were completely unprepared for the disorder that Josiah presented.
Do you know of anyone whose lives have been impacted by CDH (or has your own)?Josiah's story hits me a bit harder because I also lost a brother to Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia. In 1988, my little brother was born and presumed to be a healthy baby. Back then, routine ultrasounds were not performed. Adam was born with a whole in his diaphragm that allowed his abdominal organs to protrude up into his chest cavity. His lungs failed to develop properly as a result and was not able to breathe. I was four years old.

I have only recently spoken to my mother about her experience with losing a child. Speaking in terms of mother to mother, not mother to daughter. I wasn't able to understand the effects of what that experience must have been like... until I had my own son. Everything becomes much more vivid and what ifs start to plague your thoughts... remember last week's discussion on fear? It a wonderful talk with my mother that day. It brought forth many tears, a story too personal to share here because it is not mine to tell.

Click here to read a recent post about Adam and the new advancements on CDH

How do these words spoken by Kyle make you feel?
I think Kyle's words about the coffee cup analogy was a wonderful description. I thought about this again this past Sunday in church when Pastor Brad was talking about "Giving God The Luxury of Time." The topic was James 1:1-18. Pastor Brad said,"The process that God has for you and is doing in your life today, is what will prepare you for the promises that He has for you." God does no look at TODAY as the big picture, just as he doesn't reveal our whole lives to us all at once. It takes time to reveal his plan - the full picture. He looks at end product. If we just give him that time to reveal to us the big picture - we will experience the greatest gifts ever to have been received.
How courageous and awesome that her husband Kyle clung to the work of God and shared everything he could with as many people as he could. Lynnette said herself, "I still wonder today who may have been touched by this supernatural strength God was giving Kyle." How great that God can find the good in everything.

"To live is Christ, to die to gain" - Phil 1:21

During difficult times, where do you find your comfort?
Lynnette found comfort in reading Psalms. I would have to say that since accepting Christ into my life, I haven't experienced real difficult times. I would definitely say that I always understanding and advice in confiding in my mother. She has been there to listen and be a leaning shoulder to me.

Lynnette talked about struggling for along time after losing Josiah. And one thing that I will always marvel at is how God will give a woman/mother strength to continue on for the sake of her family. Lynnette had two children to take of, as well as a husband. She couldn't lay in bed all day, she couldn't shut out the whole world of responsibilities and duty to stay locked up. Certainly there must have been those days in order to grieve, but then the realization would set in - you are needed! You have children that need you. I think this would be one of the hardest things of dealing with grief and having the responsibility of your family.

"If God said to you, 'Lynnette, I am going to give you a son. He won't be with you long. I am only going to leave him with you for five days and then I am going to take him back. But I have a plan. Will you accept this assignment." pg. 72.

What would you say?

Did anyone start bawling when they read that part? I literally shut my book and just sobbed. How so utterly true is that question? on so many levels! First of all, Lynnette absolutely accepts because she would take any assignment if it meant pleasing the Lord. If He asked something of her - she would accept. I completely agree with that. I was feel the same way.

But I have to admit - that wasn't my first reaction. Oh - I would most definitely accept his request of me. But my first thought was a selfish one. My initial response was to say yes - because I would want to know that child. I would want to be affected by that child. I would want to carry that child inside of me. I would want to give that child unconditional love and warming comfort while God allowed him to stay. I would want to be moved and forever changed for having loved and lost that child. Yes - I would choose the pain and sorrow over never having experienced a life such as that. How does the old saying go? "Better to be loved and lost, then to never have loved at all." That's so cliche, but quite fitting... right?

A new, beautiful way of looking at God's lessons and joy through such saddening sorrow.



stitchndeb said...

I enjoyed reading this. Sorry about your brother. That was so awesome you were able to talk to your mother about him. I cried a lot reading this chapter too. ~Debbie

Holly said...

Oh my gosh April! Can you say OUCH!?!?! That makes me squeamish too. I had an episiotomy with Kyndra but she cut the other way obviously and I didn't tear at all with Carleigh, prolly b/c she was so small. I'm glad I had the epi with Kyndra so I didn't have to feel her stick that giant needle in my hoohaa for the episiotomy. Yikes!

I don't know if a homebirth is my cup of tea either. I like that assurance too. And after Carleigh, I don't think I'd ever attempt it. My anxiety level would just be way too high.

I am glad that you and your mom are able to talk and share things like that together. I think it was good to talk about at this point in your life since you could relate more having a son yourself.

On pg 72 I didn't cry but I probably could've. It may be cliche but it is fitting.