The creator of Wednesday's Walk Down Memory Lane is Lynnette. She has been an inspiration through her ministeries for grieving parents as well as those who feel lost. Her blog is very uplifting. On a recent post she wrote entitled: Ministering Together and Remaining Humble On Our Journey, she mentioned another woman's blog, Jenilee - called Awake. Jenilee uses her blog to help woman who are seeking Christ. I have only just begun to follow to her, so I am not that familar with her writing at this point.
The reason I am writing this posting today is to reflect on the blog post that Lynnette wrote for Jenilee's blog. That post was titled: God Is Always at Work. I invite you to read it, as you will understand why I am commenting on it.
Upon reading it, all I could think about was this letter that my grandfather wrote. I wrote about my grandfather here, in a Wednesday's Walk. I had read this letter when I was alittle girl and it didn't make much sense to me. It wasn't until I was making a scrapbook for my parent's 25th wedding anniversary that I came acrossed it again. I would like to share it with you, if only as an extention of my grandfather's insight to the work of God. It also ties right along with what Lynnette was sharing on Awake. It was written when my little brother passed away from CDH at birth in 1988. I had mentioned it in my grandfather's post as being the only piece of writing I had from him. I have since been given copies of other pieces that I hope to share with you someday.
"I am compelled to write down what I am feeling, though I doubt it will ever leave me. I suspect it's therapy.
Last night I found myself in ICU at Children's Hospital in Milwaukee, looking at this beautifully formed, dark haired boy, my Grandson! Belying the reality of abounding tubes and support systems, how could there be anything wrong? He looked so perfect!
But Adam was born, now just 14 hours old, with a partially formed diaphragm. As a result his intestines had pushed up into his chest cavity causing one lung to collpase, and pushing against the other with enough force to prevent it from fully devleoping. Consequently little Adam did not have enough lung tissue left to sustain life. Adam died around 10:00 not quite 1 day old. Not much time to accomplish anything, or was it?
I saw the genuine loving care of everyone at the hospital. Mary [wife], I and Joyce [daughter in law's mother] witnessed the doctors anguish, as real as our own, as they told our children their son was going to die. My unconveyable feeling as I placed my finger in his tiny fist to say hello and Please God, not good bye.
The faces of Dawn [baby's mother], Joyce and Mary. And I saw my son Mark, stroking Adam's head, full of an overwhelming love for the son he would never get to know.
What can such a short life do? Just ask me! I was there."
No matter how difficult it is to understand why God does what He does, it isn't His purpose for us to know. We fill ourselves with so many questions that are left unanswered and so we feel empty inside. I know that this is easy to say, coming from me - a first time mom who has not lost a child - but I do believe that when we go to heaven and are in God's presences, and all of our loved ones are there to greet us home... all of our questions will dissolve. Everything that caused us anguish here on earth will no longer matter because we will have finally arrived in the place we were always meant to be.