Friday, September 25, 2009

I WASN'T READY YET!

I know that with which each passing day, our children bring us so much joy and new experiences. I know that in the weeks to come, Jackson will be taking his first steps. There is so much to look forward to in the next coming year that I can't even wrap my mind around it. But on the same token, I am sad for the things I will never have again... at least not from him.


He grew out of so many things (not just clothing) before I was ready to say "Ok, we can be done with that now." It was hard that it wasn't MY decision to put them away. I wasn't ready to switch him from the newborn size diapers to the size 1. Didn't size 1 seem SO big compared to those tiny NB ones? This was the first of many that I had to say goodbye to before I was ready.


I knew the time was coming near to pack away his newborn clothes and pull out the 0-3 mos and 3-6 mos. So for about two weeks straight, I alternated my two favorite outfits on him. Just so that I felt better when I had to pack them away.












Before Jackson was 3 months old, his naps were quite sparatic. My favorite part of the day was sitting on the couch watching my soaps while Jax slept on my chest face down. I remember one time Paul came home from work, which is when I realized that Jackson and I had sitting on the couch for 4 hours without getting up. :) I would rub his back and feel his chest rise and fall with each breath. I knew at that time that I wasn't going to take it for granted. I knew it wouldn't be long before he wouldn't sleep on me anymore. So I did my best to soak it all in. When he was three months old, I made the difficult decision to start putting him in his crib for all the daytime naps. As much as I loved that time with him and craved for it, it was more important to me that he learned to sleep without me.


I used to love dancing with Jackson. I would still love to dance with him, if he would tolerate me :) But he doesn't have the patience to rock back and forth in my arms anymore. Most nights after his bath and before his bedtime bottle - I would turn on some music and sway with him in the living room. He's my little man, my Baby Man and as much as I want to him to grow up - I also don't want there to be distance between us. I just hope that as he does grow up... I also grow - into the idea of him being an individual and no longer completely dependant on me. But I'm not ready for the D word yet ;)






He recently went into a new big boy carseat. This also was a change for me. However, more of a good one. I had gotten to the point where I was just leaving the infant seat attached to base anyways because I couldn't lift it with Jackson in it any longer. Too darn heavy!!

This is Jax showing me how big is his in his new car seat.


I realized one day that I seriously needed to man up and just go buy him new pjs. Those 6-9 were hardly snapping anymore because he had outgrown them... but I didn't want to get 12 month size. I wasn't ready! I was at walmart looking at their fleece zip up sleepers. I couldn't believe how big that 12 month size looked to me! I took the hanger and actually "stood" the pjs on the floor to see how high the pjs came up on my leg. It came up to my upper thights. I was like "NO WAY, is he going to fit in this!" And the footies had grippies on them. I wasn't ready for him start walking! Well, seems my son has been growing underneath my nose without me realizing it :) They fit him almost perfectly. There's just a bit of room in the footies.



There is so much to look forward to. It just seems like a lifetime ago when we brought him home.


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10 comments:

Crystal said...

You need to put a disclaimer on that post! I am sitting here crying since you just put into words everything I am thinking as Madelyn's birthday approaches next week! :( Great post!

Jamie said...

Yeah, you have me thinking now,too!Jax looks so cute in his big boy carseat.

croleyc69 said...

Great post and children grow up to fast. I know with Carly being 5 months old this coming Tues, its so hard to believe already. I have to go thru her clothes this weekend again. One thing there is always something to look forward to. :)
Caroline

Kate said...

Everyday is happy and sad all wrapped up in one! I love seeing Molls be more grown up, but I long for my little baby again!

Heather said...

April, you have a beautiful family! I am so glad you stopped by my blog! Your little boy is precious!

SayraH said...

It does seem like it would be hard to 'let go' of baby Jax, and watch him grow older with each passing day (I wouldn't know from experience since I have no children)..but I can empathize with you. Such a sweet video you posted, it really tugged @ my heart while watching.

Cherish your memories & moments, And I know you will :)

Thank you for letting me into your precious life :))

((hugs & blessings))

HeatherOz said...

Oh my gosh! I feel the exact same way. I was devastated when my babe got her big girl carseat! Can't they just go a LITTLE slower?!

I have something for you on my blog.

Kelly said...

This is so sweet. I know it must be so hard to see him grow up! All the different stages will bring new and happy things.

Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog! I appreciate your prayers for Nanny!

Kelly said...

Such a cute picture! He's getting so big!

Holly said...

He'll be walking before you know it! They do get big so fast and faster than we like, huh!?