Book Recommendation!!

A recommendation from my brother, a preschool teacher at Burley Elementary Chicago... and one that I couldn't wait to share with all of you! I couldn't have picked this book up at a better point in my life. My son is 19 months old, a "junior toddler" as the book would stage him.

The Emotional Life of the Toddler

by: Alicia F. Lieberman, Ph.D.

This book explains with comforting detail everything that your toddler is unable to communicate at this age. The cover of the book is what intrigued me right away.

"WHY "No" is every toddler's favorite work. WHY your toddler clings to you one minute and rejects you the next. HOW to undersand your child's sudden fear of familiar things like the bathtub." That grabbed my attention because it is exactly what we are experiencing as a family right now.

The book begins by explaining what drives a toddler to do what they do and how they treat their "secure base" as a result of their temperament and parental response. " [A Secure Base will] show that the balance between attachment and exploration in the child is mirrored by the balance beween protectiveness and encouragement of exploration in the parent. When things go well enough, the parent serves as a secure base from which the child sets forth to explore and to which he can trustingly return for solace before moving off yet again." pg. 10

I could talk forever about this book and 100 different ways of why I think every parent should read it, but I will just highlight a few key ideas that struck me the most.

-Temper Tantrums
  "Tantrums take a child to the very bottom of his being, helping him to learn that anger and despair are part of the human experience and need not lead to lasting emotional collapse. If the parents can remain emotionally available even while firm in their position of denying something, tantrums also teach a child that he will not be left alone in his "dark night of soul." " pg.39

Anger is a rightful emotion that children need to understand is ok to feel. An older toddler may respond to the parents saying, "I understand that you are upset over not getting the cookie, but you can not have the cookie right before dinner. You can have the cookie after dinner." This was how I understood being "emotionally available" for your child.

-Temperament

  "Temperament is defined as the "how" of behavior: in looking at children's temperament, we try to describe how intense, moody, adaptable, and predictable they tend to be. The focus is behavorial style, not ability (the content or "what" of behavior) or motivation (its reason or "why")." pg.56

Describes in Detail the Types:
1. Easy Children
2. Slow to Warm Up
3. Difficult Children
4. Active Children

With every type of temperament, how the parent can respond in such a way that the child will respond. Each child's needs are different, but allowing your eyes to see what your child's needs are - is key. Then your response will follow either helping your child or possibley making the situation worse.

My favorite quote from the book:

"When a child's behavior irritates or emarrasses us, we often respond by seeing murky motives behind it. In a way, we are trying to justify our negative reastion by looking for equally negative motives in the child. This is very human, but it is neither hair nor helpful to the parent-child relationship or the child's development. Temperament describes HOW children react the way they do, not WHY he is responding that way." pg.64

IS THAT EVER TRUE, OR WHAT?!?

- How parental styles and secure base behavior coinside or conflict.

  For instance, the scenarios described where three different child have the same temperament (active), however each of their parents have DIFFERENT parenting styles. You begin to see how the child's behavior and inner balance adapt to their parents' reaction of their high level of activity. Not all of them were good results for the children...

-Anxieties in young children

-Separation, Sleeping Irregularities, Night Terrors, Siblings Rivalries

-Divorce (it's own full length chapter)

-Transition to childcare (relationships involved)

If you find yourself needing more insight into the mind of your toddler and would like to find ways to help your child cope with their neverending contradictive nature to explore the world and stay close to mom and dad... please pick up this book! It's been the biggest help I have found into understanding my little guy more and aiding me in how I respond to his needs.

Read With Us - Chapter 15/16

So sorry to be late on this again! I my son has gone down to only one nap each day and that leaves me with very little time to blog has much as I used to. Especially as I have been getting the party decorations ready, the house ready, emails answered, hats made, errands ran, shooting for my photography class phew! I am sad that my reading time has come to a crunch

My eyes were tearing and my cheeks were wet as I read again the nightmare that the Krafts experienced when Anna passed away. I can only imagine all the emotions that would be going through one's system in such a time that followed. There are so many expectations, that you put on yourself, to make sure the memorial would be as you had hoped. When that wasn't a terrible distraction, you would be left in sorrow. It was really difficult to read about Lynnette and her husband crying together on the bathroom floor.

I will do my best to participate fully in next week. I don't think I be able to finish the remaining section of the book, but I completely understand why it's more appropriate to combine it into one review, considering it being Lynnette's time through healing.

Thank Holly for staying steadfast with the book review, even though many of us have fallin off the wagon!

Read With Us - Chapter 13

In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me By: Lynnette Kraft

I can not imagine how difficult it would be to watch your child express fear and worry - towards something you ALSO were fearful of. If your child is afraid of "monsters under the bed", inside you are at peace because this is not a real fear of yours. But when you are shaken to the core over the very same issue as your child, my how much strength it would take to NOT show your fear in front of your child.

I think it was so nice to read even the smallest memories that Lynnette and Kyle hold of Anna. Memories are something we all hold dear to our hearts. It's weird how you think you have forgotten them, until you really begin to focus on that time and place... and all the memories start to float back.

My grandfather, mother's dad - passed away Feb. 2008. He has alzhiemers disease. When I was growing up, I showed an interest in one of his hobbies. He was a wonderful painter. Grandpa was most fond of landscaping scenes and so he would photograph them and reproduce them into a painting. He gave me a "how to draw portraits" book that took you step by step through the process of capturing people's facial features. He took me to the local art museum a few times and even bought me a replica print. It was entitled "Summertime", and it hung in my parent's bathroom just until recently.

Read With Us - Chapter 12

Join us as we continue reading In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me. By: Lynnette Kraft.

Lynnette filled this chapter with very understandable worry. She was full of fear when came to the idea of getting pregnant again. With a child like Anna, needing extra attention to keep her healthy and attend her doctor visits, the thought of something taking her away from that would be scary. What things do you worry about? Oh geez, this is definitely a trait I am not proud of. I worry a lot. I have a way of getting consumed by things that don't matter and when the stakes are high - it's easier for me less worrisome. But I have a feeling what I am really doing is "blocking out" the worry and fear rather than not feeling it at all. Do you find it easy to give these worries to God? I don't know so. It's in my nature to worry. I know this is wrong as Lynnette has sited scripture about it. But being freed of these emotions are a gift that God gives us, much like forgiveness. I think that it is human nature to get swallowed up in these bad habits. I remember talking about this early on the book - Lynnette asked why do people chose sorrow and pain when they can be joyous and happy. It does take work to be happy when you don't feel that way. It does take work to follow Jesus, as what he may ask of us may not be what we would ask of ourselves.

Lynnette kept a journal for her children. This is a wonderful keepsake to look back on. I am currently keeping a journal for Jackson. I don't like the idea that he will never know what it was like when he was newborn. I will remember everything about our bonding as mother and child and he won't. That idea saddens me. So I have started documenting. I also find peace in this form of communicating in case God would take me from this world, I want to leave something tangible for my son. What memories of your childhood make you smile? I have a lot of memories playing with my cousins. We gathered at our grandparents house often and got into trouble. I am a huge fan of photos (as if you didn't know that!) so I look back on these memories often.

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." Mathew 6:33

Read With Us - Chapter 11

Join Us as we continue reading In Faithfulness He Afflicted Me, By: Lynnette Kraft

Lynnette spoke alot about the lessons her family learned over the holiday season, the winter seasons the year that Anna was born. It was crucial for Anna's health that she was not exposed to many illnesses and so the family was faced to stay isolated in the high flu season.

They learned about their own true faith of God. When the mask of the Church Goers title is removed, what was left? If you weren't attending church, were people making comments regarding your absence? Do you think that you can grow in faith without going to church? I do believe I can grow in faith without the regular attendance to church, however I also believe that surrounding yourself by other christians is so important. Personally, I can read a verse from a Bible on my own and take away what I can from it, however when my Pastor reads it and explains it better... I understand a whole lot more. That being said, The relationship you hold with Christ is still between YOU and HIM. I am very thankful for the podcasts that our church offers on their website so I never actually MISS a sermon.

I also have a bit of an obstacle in regards that my husband isn't exactly open about his faith. Whereas Lynnette had a great worship warrior, Kyle - I do not have that strong outward force working with me. Paul is very private about his relationship with God, he didn't grow up praying out loud or sharing what he feels God is doing in his life. I also didn't grow up this way, but that is what I am trying to change for my family. I want my children to feel open to speak about their faith. So, I don't necessarily get the offered support that I receive from the followers at church.

Read With Us - Chapter 10

Join us as we continue to read "In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me" by: Lynnette Kraft

I had to smile a little when I read about Lynnette's exerience with the apple juice. Under MUCH different circumstances, I just had a similar experience this weekend. Like a bone head, I forgot my son's frozen breast milk bags when we traveled back home (2 hrs. south) for a birthday party on Saturday. My only option was to try whole milk. I was so nervous that he wouldn't take it and I would be left with an irrate, hungry little boy. But to my utter amazement, Jackson took the 2 bottles that day like he had no idea there was anything different. I was so thankful and very surprised. Never tried the goat's milk ;)

While Lynnette relived her feelings of handing Anna over to the nurses as they encountered open heart surgery, a few things weighed on my heart. I know that handing your child over for a very risky surgery would be devastatingly difficult, but it would be 10 folds when your child was as old as Anna was. She knew who her parents were, she knew that she did NOT know this nurse and she knew she was being taken away from her family. She had fear at this age. I can not imagine seeing my child reaching for me, cry for me .... and having no idea if I would ever see that child alive again. It's one thing to bring your child in who is physically showing signs of needing serious medical intervention. But it's another to have no evident signs of there being an issue. Certainly, the Kraft's knew that Anna's heart needed this operation - but at that point in time, she was a happy normal 9 month old baby girl.

As a mother I can say the hardest thing I could imagine, would be seeing your child in pain. Especially when you as their parents are helpless. It's a gut wrenching feeling when you think of not being able to take their pain away. Lynnette discussed that even though she was hurting because Anna was struggling with her discomfort, she knew this also meant that Anna was responding and getting better. There would be good things to come, Anna just needed to wait it out. Do you believe that the contact Anna had with her parents helped her healing?
Absolutely! The connection between parents and their children can be compared to the relationship between Christ and all of this children (on my levels). We feel healed when we spend time talking to God and praying, feeling His presence. There's no doubt that Anna was effected positively by having her mom and dad there to talk to her and hold her.

I have compassion for the children who were left at home. How difficult that must have been for them to be so distant from their parents. The older ones may have understood more than the younger ones, but that is such a hard position to be in.

I am so glad to see that the medical team located the problem within Anna's heart and were able to make her strong again. God had many things planned for this sweet girl, and it wasn't her time to be called home.

Read With Us - Chapter 9

Join us as we continue reading, In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me; by: Lynnette Kraft.


I agree that God served graciously by plumping Anna up in utero to be able to sustain a risky operation so early in life. I can only imagine the worry and fear in this family's heart when entering a surgery of that magnitude.

As far as needing to keep little Anna safe from sickness, I would have to agree that moving to a more isolated home would be highly beneficial for them. I would also make that decision if I were faced with raising a child who needed extra close care. I have a neighbor with twin girls (now 5), when they were 2 they were both diagnosed with Luekemia. They lived a life where they sheltered the girls from playing with too many children or coming in contact with any sick people. They didn't go to any parks, carnivals or public events and sometimes missed out on family gatherings. Understanding the necessary need for "isolation" - although I don't like using that term because it can come off as a negative thing, where in this circumstance, isolation isn't negative at all - makes me completely appreciate Lynnette's "Integrated Family Living". A lifestyle that Lynnette and Kyle follow that keeps most of their activities within the family. Shw has blogged about this many times. There is very little that the familiy does outside of their tight knit group. This would keep the members of the family fairly healthy and inturn - keep Anna healthy as well.

Where do you desire to live? However... since I am not in a situation like the Kraft's, I would not choose to live in the country. I am not a HUGE outdoorsy person. Don't get me wrong, I love the sunshine and laying in a hammock or watching my son in his kiddy pool. I am just not a huge woodland creature - not a fan of critters and bugs, not a fan of the darkness at night that would go on for miles. I enjoy being in a neighborhood. I love that I can sit outside while my son is napping and I can hear the children across the street playing. I like that I can wave to my neighbors when they come home from work, I like that we can walk across street and feel welcome to join the bonfire. I like being able to eat lunch at a river front restrauant while watching the current carries the water slowly on by. I have adopted a liking for "people watching" since my days of being a city girl. I don't think you can ever really remove that from me.

Now, ask me where I would like to live one my children are grown and out of the house - then my answer will be different :)

Read WIth Us - Chapter 8

Join us as we continue reading In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me. By: Lynnette Kraft


I am so glad that God answered Lynnette's prayers for a longer pregnancy for Anna's sake. Personally I know that even at 39 weeks, I was ready to go. However, that was under completely different circumstances and I know that Lynnette (and God for that matter) had Anna's well being at heart. I am pleased to hear that this labor and delivery went well for them both. Less stress for a baby with proceeding complications is always favored.

Have you incorporated any healthier living into your family?
I would have to say having almost no junk food in the house was a good step for us. If the bad food isn't there, it won't be eaten on a daily basis. We also don't carry much soda in the house. We only get these special items when we are planning for company. But I never went as far as drinking vegetable juice :) V8 Fusion is the closest I have gotten to that :)

I was disheartened to read that yet again, Lynnette was faced with heartless doctors. At first, I thought this was the same doctor that talked her during the initial ultrasound. But then I read on and found that this ped. cardiologist was a different doctor all together. Every patient deserves to be given compassion in situations like these. Furthermore, when a baby is involved that compassion needs to be softened even more. I know that many doctors are more focused on the scientific end of their fields of practice, but if there wasn't a real live people being treated - those doctor wouldn't have a field TO practice. Have you encountered any doctors like this? No thankfully, I have never been in a situation when I have had a care giver treat me without compassion and concern. I have however experienced a couple nurses during my delivery stay who I could tell did not want to be working the night shift... they weren't particularly cold to me - just short and not warming.

Read With Us - Chapter 7

Please join Holly and the rest of us, as we continue to read, In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me by: Lynnette Kraft.

In this chapter, Lynnette describes her feelings about knowing that this baby is not healthy. She describes her dislike for the term "birth defect". I believe this is so true. If God makes everyone in his own image, fearful and wonderful, how is that defective? I understand that term may apply to the physical functionality of the body. It will not work properly and will be dependant on medical intervention to function "normal". Normal, in this case being a word to describe the vast majority. Many would call that defective. But I also agree that because God created us all by his own hand, how can that be "defective"?

In regards to the two verses that Lynnette scripted

(1 Corinthians 10:13 & 2 Corinthians 1:8-10),

What do you think of these verses and how they relate to that line "God never gives us more than we can handle? I especially think the initial verse says it clearly. I think there really is no limit to what we can handle (grief or temptation). With God, all things are possible - and if we are to endure immense hardship, as long as we are following God out of the storm - there is no amount that we can not receive. Our temptations will never be so great that we are to be swallowed completely. If we ever feel that all hope is lost and there is no way out of our dispair, then we have lost our grip on his robe.

I agree with Lynnette, I would rather mother children who loved God and accepted Him in their lives and be ill than the alternative. Something that I am struggling with is how to lead my children down God's path, how to show my children the way, how to always encourage and not discourage them. I am new to following Christ myself and new to motherhood, I just don't want to disappoint God when it comes to my children. I feel like I stumble on my own so much, how could I lead another?

What a surreal experience Lynnette describes while praying over Anna's name choice. It sounds like a moment to cherish for all time, and I know that Lynnette does. Have you had any moments in your life where you felt really close to God? Personally, I have not had a moment like that, so vivid. However, when I think about how God speaks to me, its more of a reoccurring episode. Like just a few weeks ago we were reading the chapter when Lynnette was comforted by the words of this song, "Oh, how He loves us". And she sang it to herself. That Sunday in church, the song was sang. I had never heard that song before and here it was - right in front of me. Those words are unmistakable and undeniable. Or, I will read a verse from the Bible and later that day or week, I will hear it recited in a song on the radio while driving. Those are the moments for me when I say, "I hear you, God - I am listening."

Read With Us - Chapter 5

Join Us as we continue to read with Holly, our current book is Lynnette Kraft's In Faithfulness, He Afflicted me.

Regarding the next six months that Lynnette describes -
Life can be challenging when you know your heart is in the right place, but there is just no way to succeed when your hands are in so many activities all at once. You can have great intentions, like Kyle did. He knew he needed to provide for his family so he maintained a full time job. He also saw a necessary need for his efforts and time in the youth community at his church. While trying to support all of this, it was his personal family life that suffered. Something have to give, right? If it wasn't his family's happiness, it would have been his full time job. And losing your job due to performance issues may well have lead his family into martial distress as well.

Even as Lynnette had said, she would never let her concerns and worries fester so long before approaching him again. It could very well have saved her a lot of heartache and sleepless nights, lonely afternoons and empty dinner tables. She said she has learned from that. I personally, would not have let my concerns stew that long. It may come off initially as "unsupportive" to be having so much doubt, but it's not in my personality to keep things hidden (just ask my husband)! It was wonderful that Kyle was so receptive to his wife's dismay and not only understood - but had begun to see the same things. I believe things could have gotten a lot worse if he were dismissive about the topic.

What are some things you would like to do more as a family? At this point, we are doing everything as a family. We are a married couple with a 9 month old in tow. Although it would be really nice to be able to take a vacation! Financially, that wouldn't be happening for a few years!

Lynnette had asked why couldn't the church find the elders to educate and lead the youth group. It's definitely true that the elders are the ones with the most time and probably the most experienced wisdom. However, I believe that the youth generation have a hard time identifying with the elders. The kids aren't able to be themselves or ask what is truly on their hearts because many times the elders are just too far removed from the situations at hand. I think it would be more appropriate for 20-30 something year olds to be the group leaders. I think it's probably a little easier for them to remember what teenage life was like. Just my opinion.

Cecily's birth was much like Jackson's was. I was 4 cm dilated upon arriving at the hospital. I went to the hospital 2 hours after my 39 week check up where the OB stripped my membranes for a second time. I was 3 cm going into that appt. I gotten into my hospital room at 8pm, got my epidural at 9pm, OB broke my water at 10pm and by 1am, I had delivered my son after 40 mins of pushing. I could have delivered in 20 mins, but the OB wasn't there yet. SO I "control" pushed for another 20 mins and gave birth to a 7lbs. 3oz baby boy.

Poor Jared, being only five year old, had lived to see two brothers pass away. I was only four when my brother died. I had a few vague memories of that time. I remember that Adam's crib was set up in my room. I remember that my bed was pushed to the wall (which my mom never let us do because she couldn't "make" the bed on that side.) But it needed to be up against the wall in order to fit the crib in there. I remember the white, blue and red linen that was in his crib with a mobile that hung over. I also remember shortly after Adam died, that the crib was suddenly gone. I remember seeing my older brother (who was 6) crying at the burial - that made me said. I knew we weren't bringing home a baby, but I didn't realize much more than that because life continued on as it would for a four year old little girl. I don't remember witnessing my mother crying much, although I wasn't lying next to her each night when the day was over - and I remember that had a mother who was always there and she obviously did her best to give us an unchanged childhood - even though her heart was broken and she longed to be to raising three children, not two.

Read With Us - Chapter 3

Join us as continue Lynnette Kraft's In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me.

Lynnette opened Chapter 3 with a question about despair. Why would anyone choose to feel sorrow when they can enter to peace? I think people chose despair because it is what feels natural when something so precious is taken away. I don't believe for many who are grieving, it isn't natural to receive God's peace (at least in the beginning). There is a time of anguish that needs to be processed and felt. Also, it takes a lot of strength and courage to accept God's gift of peace in difficult times. Sometimes it is easier to allow pain and sorrow to surround you because there is no strength left. Everyone that believes, will allow grace to warm their faces again... that time is different for everyone.

Lynnette talked about having this new concept of dealing with other's grieving over her child. I must take a large amount of strength to stand in that line in front of your baby's casket and hear all your friends and family say , "I'm sorry, you are in my prayers." And what would be worse, is hearing the wrong comment. Lynnette is right, people don't know what to say and they try to be comforting. But just as everyone deals with their grief on a different timeline, not everyone will be comforted by words as some might expect. I will admit, I am the "I'm sorry." commenter who leaves it at that.



On page 57, "It's sad how easy it is to learn firsthand of Gods love ,care and provision and then turn around and momentarily forget it all for the sake of fear." She is right, "Fear is a real and terrible thing." We can read and believe, even experience his unconditional loving grace but in the next moment lose touch of that feeling. God never recoils his loves so the loss of sight isn't due to an absence of it, but rather because we put up our own blinders and allowing fear to take ahold of our emotions.

II Timothy 1:7. Something I would like memorize!

"God hath no given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

What fears do you have that you feel you should give to God?
My own fears would be of the unknown. Obviously, the future is something we are suppose to not know - but there is a huge of fear that is associated with that. I shouldn't be fearful, but it's God plan and He knows what is best for me. The fear of having to deal with close/great loss. It's a fear of having to deal with that much pain, not believing I would be strong enough. I know the Lord would guide me through the darkness, it is just very hard to let go of that overwhelming, and looming fear.


Ah, the joys of having a baby girl. I do hope God has it in his plans that I will get experience this life with a daughter. We will be trying again October for a second child. I believe Lynnette's comment rings true however, I will be blessed and happy with the child that he gives me, a boy, a girl, healthy or not so healthy - that child will be a blessing. And if Jackson becomes an only child - we will be sad but know that God has other plans for us.

Read With Us - Chapter 2

Join us as we continue this month's discussion on "In Faithfullness, He Afflicted Me."

There is something about a mother's intuition that strengthens the powerful bond from mother to child. Lynnette secretly knew there was something wrong with her pregnancy well before it was ever confirmed by her physican. I can't say that I have a strong mother's intuition. Maybe that will come with more pregnancies/children. But I always felt that my "intuitions" were manifested through my own fears and doubt. I would get this strong feeling that was more like "worry" if anything. I don't know if I would classify that as intuition. I suppose I just need to trust my feelings more.

Do you have a funny experience to share? What are some of the silly or stupid things you did? I definitely did things weren't smart due too unexperience. I don't know that they were quite as humorous as Lynnette's or Holly's :) Maybe, not changing my newborn's diaper fast enough so we got pooed on a few times. That wasn't funny at the time! He's crawling now - so let me get back to you all on that :)

Has there been a time in your life that you felt the world was falling apart? I would definitely say there were times when I felt we were at a dead end, or at a huge set back. But no - I would have to say thanksfully there has never been a time of this magnitude. I am in the state that Lynnette described up until losing Samuel. I lost my little brother when I was 4, but that isn't old enough to feel the immediate emotional effects.

What a surprise that their child turned out to be a boy after all. Being granted the unknowing foresight of dreams, both Lynnette and Kyle would have thought the baby was boy all long.

No one can say for sure how they would react when their child with a fatal prognosis is born. Of course, not until they experience it first hand. I suppose being on this side that experience, I would feel such deepening sorrow. I would be torn between the utter joy to be finally holding my baby in my arms and knowing the pending calling of the Lord could be only moments away. Lynnette said on pg. 46 "Even though we knew he'd only be with us for a short time, we celebrated his life. I was not as afraid as I had feared. I was not disappointed. I was excited that my baby was almost ready to be placed in my arms." And again on pg. 49 "I remember being alittle frightened. I knew Samuel was leaving us, and I was unsure what to expect. However, God gave us a gentle peace in those moments." I know I touched on this in my previous reflection, and maybe it's because I am fascinated that God is so merciful to extend peace if we are willing to accept it in those moments. Not needing to create our own peace, but simply receiving His offering.


I know that many would be too consumed in anguish to feel God's presence during those moments. Many would feel as though they were being punished by God. God does not punish with children, nor does He take children away as a form of discipline. He hurts as we hurt. It takes a believer to see the truth. Many say "Everything happens for a reason". But where do we find God in that statement? "Everything happens for God's reason alone"...? Or futher yet - "Everything God creates is for a reason."

How has difficult times affected your marriage? We've had difficult times before we were married, but engaged. We were living in Milwaukee and Paul lost his job. Like I had mentioned last week, Paul's parents graciously invited us into their home. It was a period of time that we are so grateful for because we were able to stabilize our finances and get back on our feet again, but at the same time - it was secretly stressful living in someone else's home. While his parents went above and beyond to make us feel as though their house was our house, it was still a transition that was hard on us as a couple.

What fears have you struggled with? My goodness - I fear that Paul will again lose his job because of this economy. The stakes are much higher this time because we don't have my salary to count on being a stay at home mom, and we have a child now. Having zero income would send our future in a whirlwind. I am not currently pregnant, but we will be trying soon and I know I will have pending fears regarding the health of my child.

I think that is so beautiful and true that through their pregnancy with Samuel, the Krafts allowed God to take the reigns on their family's plan. Not many do that in this day and age. Schooling is so expensive and with the rising prices of nearly everything - and the stationery salaries across the board; the idea of giving up your own family plans for His is a bit more difficult. But who ever said that material things should be the root of all happiness? Wouldn't a house full of happy children bring you more joy than the fastest car in the world? Wouldn't several grandchildren to share the holidays with bring you more LASTING peace than a yauct docked at an ocean marina? The Kraft family had their awakening during their pregnancy with Samuel. For if not for him, they may have stopped at 2 boys. Could you imagine that family with only 2 sons? :) We certainly wouldn't be reading this book. They have Samuel to thank for the rest of their family. Could that have been Samuel's purpose?

Do you feel that God has a plan for your life? Absolutely! The difficult thing however, will be letting him take ahold of my family plan and do what he will. We have many fears as I discussed above, and concerns about finances that would make us second guess a decision like that. I would be easier to pursuade than my husband...

What has been the hardest moment of your life so far? This is a hard one for me, because much of what I have recently experienced has been a fairly easy transition for me. Becoming a mother reiterated my calling, and although stopping my career for my little man wasn't an easy decision at first, it ended up being a simple move once it happened. I would say the greatest and hardest moment(s) in my life are happening now. The moments in which I am evaluting my own life, trading in my own defenses to take up a following with Christ. Changing things that do not fit His plan can be a difficult thing at times and being steadfast and strong while keeping my head pointed upward is so rewarding... but a challange at the same time. No one ever said being a Christian was easy!

How amazing that the Krafts were granted 13 days with their precious baby boy. Samuel was able to experience so much love and warmth from his family while he was here on earth. A beautiful baby, created perfectly by God's hand... too lovely for this world.

Read With Us - Chapter 1

Join us with Holly's reading group as we continue with our chosen book In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me. See my left sidebar for book details.

Chapter 1


I wanted to share something that was weighing on my heart while I read the first chapter of Lynnette's story.

I was very drawn to what Lynnette was saying about being a "charity case". God using the love and generosity of other people to shed rays of kindness onto Lynnette and her husband. I recently read Bob Lenz's book entitled Grace. Bob is an international speaker for Life! Promotions. I had the priviledge of unknowingly attended a sermon presented by Bob at our church Pathways, he spoke about God's grace. He illustrating his passion about how we receive grace and how it has nothing to do with what we can offer to Christ. He has one specific chapter of his book entitled Charity Case (Chapter 3). I was pulled right back to this book when I read Lynnette's closing in chapter one. Being a charity case is all about becoming a christian. While Lynnette used the name to describe the state of her well being when receiving such generous offerings from church peers - Bob expresses Christians as needing to be a charity case in order to receive grace from God. We need to admit that we have nothing. Nothing that we have can give us a pass into heaven. It's about accepting His unconditional love. It's about allowing ourselves to receive the gift that He is offering - a gift that we do not deserve and have not earned. I highly recommend reading 'Grace', it's a book that tells it like it is!

"When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners." Romans 5:6

Now backing it up a bit to Holly's questions:

If you are married, what was your marriage like in the beginning?

Paul and I were married Catholic in 2007. We decided to get married in a Catholic church because Paul already was confirmed catholic, however I was not. Honestly, at the time getting married Catholic was the easier thing to do rather than finding a church that we wanted to belong to. Another thing that we are not proud of, was willingly waiting to join a church until we had kids. We knew we wanted to instill religious values into our children... however we assumed that we didn't need them. Poor choice there! I remember on our "FOCUS" training, a program you need to complete in order for the catholic faith to marry you, we had to take a 100 question multiple choice "survey" - really, it was a test. It was to see if there were any areas/factors in our lives that might become a problem for us. These tests are a tool that the church uses to bring up issues that could potentially cause a marriage to fail (ie. children, family issues, finances, religious beliefs etc.) They want you to discuss the issues prior to marriage. Paul and I scored the poorest on our religious beliefs. Paul and I never really discussed them before. We knew that we both believed in God and that Jesus died for our sins, we knew we wanted our children to believe the same... but that was about it (much like Lynnette described). Even though that test spelled it out that we needed to have a good long talk... we didn't actually have that talk until just recently!

When did you first decide you wanted to have children? Was it planned or unplanned?

Wanting children was a big thing for us. We definitely were on the same page about wanting to start a family. When we were married, we had decided that we wanted to start having kids within three years. However, two months after we got married, Paul's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Paul and I made the decision that we wanted our children to know who their grandmother was and when it came down to it - what were we waiting for? So within four months after we tied the knot - we were pregnant. It took only one attempt!

What feelings did you have for your child when you first found out you were pregnant?

Oh my goodness - the feeling was overwhelming. As I mentioned earlier in the post, it was feeling that was completely out of my control. I found out we were pregnant within 10 days after we conceived and I was so excited. Read that crazy story here! It took about 4 weeks before I started to think about all the bad things that could happen (I let myself go to the hormones). I took several pregnancy tests within the 1st trimester to alleviate any doubt. But I was more exhilarated than worried. I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mother and I am so priviledged to have the option to be one.

At what point in your life did you start searching for God?

Lynnette begins to talk about her happy marriage with Kyle and the moment that they decided they needed more in their lives. It was a similar experience for me. Although Lynnette became a christian while still pregnant, I had my awakening after my child was born. I saw that I could not do this on my own, nor did I want to do this on my own.

Lynnette had commented on my Taking The Back Seat post, saying "God used my first son to draw me (and my husband) to himself. There's just something about having a child depend on you...look up to you. You have this huge amount of love, but you also have a sudden awareness of needing the guidance of the one who really knows what that little life needs...what you need. I'm so glad that God gave you that baby to draw you closer to his side." There is something remarkable that happens to you when you become a mother. This greater level of emotions take over your whole being, you can't control it. I had to say to myself, "If I have this overwhelming amount of unconditional love for this little boy, then God's love for me must be beyond fathomable."

Has there been a time in your life that God provided?

Paul and I became a "charity case" in the summer of 2005. Paul had been unexpectedly let go from his job. We had a decision to make about our future, should he go find a job elsewhere - or go back to school to finish an uncompleted degree. While we chose the latter, it left us in a difficult financial position. Paul's parents graciously invited us into their home while Paul completed school. My income alone could never sustain the two of us in an unnecessarily expensive deluxe apartment in downtown Milwaukee. So, we moved out and moved into Paul's parents house. We are very grateful for the selflessness of these two people that allowed us to save our money, and give their son a chance to finish his degree. We wouldn't be where are today if they hadn't reached out kindly to help us along. At the time I didn't give thanks to God for his mercy in providing for us, however now I looking at my life through a new pair of eyes. I recognize his glory now.

Read With Us - Intro & Prologue

In Faithfullness, He Afflicted Me Written by: Lynnette Kraft

You are welcome to join in on my weekly reading group hosted by Holly at Caring for Carleigh.

Introduction & Prologue

I believe I can speak for most when I say that the prologue was quite reviting. I was torn between continuing to read on into Chapter One or taking a moment to reflect on what I read as well as Holly's question.

I have not lost a child of my own. I can only imagine that if I were faced with a situation similar to what Lynnette and her husband experienced with Anna, I would have reacted the very same way. By my own nature, I would see myself taking the position of Kyle. He was more vocal and expressing his thoughts, frustrations and prayer out loud. As Lynnette said, I have no doubt that the same thoughts, frustrations and prayers were going through her own mind. What I was able to relate to was her description of the devastating 45 minutes with Anna - "surreal; frantic; nervous; nightmare."

What I want to reflect on is something that I heard from a few mothers who have experienced the loss of a child. And that is a moment of peace amidst panic, grief and the inevitable truth that their child is/will be leaving this world. I have read mother's describe this moment as "a strange peace", "I was at peace", "I felt a calming, and knew that God was with me." I believe that God is presenting himself in the physical sense, laying His hand upon the weary, saying "She is with Me now, Child. That is where I have always meant for her to be." I suppose in that very peaceful moment that He gives his people, they become aware that God has called their child and is/will be holding them in heaven. A moment to accept that their child was too precious for this earthly world and will waiting to see them again. on the other side of heaven. It is a moment of settling clarity where a mother who is now standing amongst the debris and dust from the earthquake that just shuck her life, can truly feel God's presence. He is there whether we chose to receive this calmness, or refuse to accept the truth at that moment and brush the feeling aside for later.

Have there been times in your life that God has shown he cares or that He is near?

I know that God cares and is always there. I knew this before I began my personal relationship with him. What I am ashamed to admit is that prior to getting serious about Christ, I didn't give God's plan much thought. I suppose that would be because I have not experienced a devastating loss in my adult life, by that I mean losing a parent, child, or close friend. So I was never in a position where I doubted His path for me (not that I have any right to). My eyes have been opened since accepting Christ into my life and the veil has been lifted. I know that the world will give me my share of trails and tribulations. I know I will find God at the center of my life. I know I will have His word and His warriors to surround me, much like Lynnette to help support and guide me. In the present time, I am rejoicing for everyway that God shows His love in my family and by allowing me to receive his wonderful grace and forgiveness even though I have not earned it, even though I do not deserve it.

The Shack - My Personal Review

I am writing my review for those of you who have read “The Shack”. This is not intended to hide the plot of the story, so be prepared for that as you read on. I am simply giving my personal reflection of William Paul Young’s novel. I am new to my journey with Christ, so I am unable to quote scripture from memory or connect specific lessons with Bible verses. Nor am I a professional book reviewer. I finished the book awhile ago and have been struggled over the review. So I decided to document the portions or messages in the story that reached out to ME. I reviewed what I was able to take with me after reading The Shack.

There is a bit of controversy stemming from “The Shack” that I will quickly address and then dismiss. I found this tidbit from “The Real Controversy about “The Shack” by Kim Gentes” and I felt her words said it perfectly:

“One could argue that the images and metaphors may not sit well with the buttoned-down theocrats , and that, yes, perhaps the allegories aren’t perfect at every level. But the over-arching nuance of Young’s book is not that we need a theology class- it’s that we need to actually live what we say we believe. That God is love. That His efforts towards us have always been completely done in love, and will continue so. That His primary purposeful intent in dealing with mankind is to make Himself and His love completely and gloriously sufficient for us, whilst giving us the freedom to reciprocate that love back to Him in words and lives of praise, thanksgiving and worship.

... That said, I would also argue that even more controversial than the rendering of God as a woman, is a more fundamental angst that many have with “the Shack”. Simply put, we can’t deal with a God who is so personally in love with people that He would express Himself with such unguarded intimacy. In the pages of Mack’s journey and visit with the Trinity, we find a God that is so overwhelmingly in love with each of us that it shakes us to the core. He isn’t waiting for us to “go one step to far” before He brings down judgement. He isn’t standing at a distance, concerned that He may get Himself dirty with the grime of our puny existence. In this book, we find a God so completely in love with us that He stands in the midst of our pain, of our judgment, of our destructive self-loathing, and even our anger charged accusations towards Him. He stands in the midst of it, and breathes out words of love, life, healing and invitation. He draws into our world with such intimacy, such “motherly” care (which is often a much better metaphor to which Americans could relate with real love) and comfort, that most of us simply recoil back.”

I agree that this fictional story has aspects made to represent a feel or emotion through metaphors. I feel most followers of Christ can take the messages from this fictional book at face value. I believe many of the people who hold bad views about "The Shack" are those who are looking for word for word Bible references throughout the story [which you will not find]. I do believe that Young created his character of God to speak to us in a conversational manner and not in Bible verses for a specific reason. Not everyone is able to preach and not everyone one is able to decipher the the true meaning of Scriptures without some guidance. And I suppose it's hard for me to imagine that when we finally get the chance to speak to our God, that He will speak back to us in Bible verses. (My opinion!)

Mackenzie Phillips is a lost soul who finds himself in a deep dark pit of despair. After the tragic murder of his youngest child and all the unanswered questions that followed, Mack buried himself in his guilt, grief and misery. He was withdrawn from his family and certainly disconnected himself from God. The story begins when Mack receives an invitation from God to join Him for a weekend. Mack has several conflicts with God weighing on his heart. He reluctantly and suspiciously accepts.

William P. Young portrays Mackenzie in a relative way to many of us – human! He does not understand God's ways, but doesn't pretend to. Just as all of us, human is God’s creation, do not fully understand Him. Thankfully, we aren't meant to! I found myself one step ahead of Mack during those heavy conversations between him and Jesus - my next question as a reader was always his next question. This book probably hits close to home for many readers. You can substitute Mack’s heart wrenching loss for any other life altering event that would shake your faith (addiction, depression, loss of finances, illness etc.) I believe the writers chose this scenario because it has to be one of the most difficult to accept let alone move forward from.

Mack learns a great deal about believing, forgiving and accepting during those few days spent with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit (yes, that are three different beings in the story... but are all the same God as well.) "The Shack" has a way of making God’s will tangible by creating the fictional environment. Giving the reader a third person point of view, we are able to see what God is trying to accomplish for Mack's life without personally being weighed down by Mack's grief and guilt. And yet as the story progresses - I place myself in the story line as Mack, saying to myself "God must have similar plans for me too - if only God could invite ME to the shack." How awesome would that be?

Because of Mack’s repressive state of mind upon arriving at the shack, Jesus chose to take things slowly with him, but wasted no time in getting started! Here are a few strong points that God lays before Mack. They are the ones that reached out to ME... I am not quoting the Bible, just referencing the book and the characters within the story.

One fact that continues to pop up throughout the story, something that all humans forget, is that faith should not be masked by politics, religious denominations, or social systems. Having faith and accepting Christ has nothing to do with being Christian, Catholic, Mormon or Jewish. [p.184-189] God is God. He tells us to not be judgmental and yet I have not found a group yet that is not stamped with a stereotype of being judgmental. I am a Christian and we have the branded stamp.

Jesus talks about how we as humans have chosen to live independently from God. How we have fashioned our own rules of right and wrong, of good and evil.[p.100 p.193} We have become judgmental based on false assumptions that we created for ourselves. We have constructed a set of rules and laws to abide by so that we are kept "under control".[p. 205] Jesus says that we have made false accusations that He is a God who judges us on performance. [p.203] He describes that we need to leave this hold of power, surrender all to Him and only then can we be saved. [p.149]

The only way to achieve eternal life is through Jesus Christ. There is nothing that we can physically do to earn brownie points. Only by accepting Christ as our savior, his grace - can we enter into heaven. [p.202] We find the meaning of what a true love relationship consists of. [p.200] We accept the invitation to leave our independently driven lives. We ask Him to lead us and live within us. He will begin to emanate through us and it becomes the type the person that we are. His love will shine through us.

God does not create tragedy to make His purpose. He does not need to. Can He save us from tragedy? Absolutely - but is it His plan? He does not need to create evil in order for us to turn to Him. [p.191] Because we are consumed my our loss, fear and doubts, we make false accusations. On the same token, we are not shielded from the evil because it became a repercussion from our choice to be independent (or Adam's choice). "IF I take away the consequences of people's choices, I destroy the possibility of love. Love that is forced is no love at all." [p.191-192]

A huge milestone for Mack, and the hardest for so many, is forgiveness. God goes into some heart wrenching explanations of the importance of forgiveness. Why reconciliation is necessary for the growth of our personal relationship with Him. [p.226]

The last two things I want to touch on are what God was driving home throughout the story. He has never abandoned us. He is always by our side, no matter what the rain brings. Whether we feel His presence or not, that is not the issue - we are never forsaken. [p.177 p.197]

And my ending quote from the book, I feel is what wraps up all this information is a pretty little package. Spoken to Mack by The Holy Spirit, "This life is only the anteroom of a greater reality to come. No one reaches their potential in your world. It is only in preparation for what Papa [God] had in mind all along." [p. 169] This statement answers so much for me personally and helps me to understand when I feel understanding is impossible.

I am curious to hear your comments on how YOU felt about "The Shack".