17 weeks along and thoughts...

I had my 16 week appt yesterday which was thankfully very uneventful. Baby's heart rate is in the steady 150s. Could that mean a girl? I seem to remember Jax's settling around 130-140 bpm. This photo was taken today, one day short of 17 weeks.

I have my diagnostic ultrasound scheduled for May 6th which I am just over the moon about. I am so jealous of my friend Holly was able to find out her baby is most likely a little girl. I am thrilled for her and her family as they now can start calling Rainbow by her name, Lainey Iris.

We haven't begun to think about names yet. I think I want to save myself the brain power of deciding on a name for the wrong gender. :) Right away when we found out we were pregnant, both Paul and I thought "boy", but at the 12 week ultrasound, I was feeling "girl". And now I have absolutely no idea. :)

If this baby is a girl I will be so excited for all the reasons I have expressed in a distant post of its own. My conflicting feelings would be that Paul and I discussed ideally wanting a family of 2 children. I hate the idea of limiting my family due to finances, but it also important to us to provide for our children  with a great education and a safe home/community to grow up in. I remember a few years back I read the estimated cost for a child from birth to 18 years is $100,000. That number has most likely increased now. But getting back to my point, if this baby is a girl - am I able to settle with the fact that this is my last pregnancy. I know that God has his own plans for us and we could be surprised down the road with another child. But since we planned both of these pregnancies (1st try with Jackson and 2nd try with this baby), an "opps" just isn't something I see in our future. However, I won't say it couldn't happen. I am 17 weeks into this pregnancy and I haven't even begun to mentally prepare for what my life will be like with 2 children, how having a newborn will change everything again. I haven't really even gotten side tracked by the newborn clothing department at the store. My mind and energy has still so consumed with Jackson, I find myself still forgetting that I will soon be a mother to two kids :)

Now, if this baby is a boy we will also be excited. Jackson will love to have a little brother! I never saw myself to have two little boys, still dont really - but I am opening up to the idea that there is a good possibility this baby will be a boy. All the clothes we have for Jackson will fit this new baby (Jackson was born in October, new baby due in September). So that will really be nice! But onto the conflicting point, I can't say to myself I would be ok stopping our family at 2 children, because in my heart... I would still be longing for a little girl as well. I have already had that discussion on this blog, so I won't go there again. But how can I "argue" the point to my husband we could try again for a little girl - when there is no guarantee that the next child would be a girl :) 

God knows what is best for me and I am thankful that He already has our family formed. I am just along for the ride to see it all unfold in front of me. No matter what this child is, he/she will add a greater degree of happiness, laughter and love to our family and we are welcoming that with arms wide open.