On The Home Front

My current project is to alter Jackson's bedroom so that it becomes more little boyish and less baby boyish. This photo of his nursery was taken before he was born, so naturally we have moved a bit of furniture around and please ignore the skimpy window treatment, that was completed after this photo was taken in July 2008.

What I have decided to do was eliminate all the yellow in the room and replace it with orange. I still have to swap out the wooden stars with something else orange... I am thinking I will paint a few photo frames and put up some 5x7s of him.

I had a very difficult time finding an orange fitted crib sheet. I had to scrap the idea because I wasn't willing to spend $20 on one crib sheet. So, I decided to change the bed skirt instead. I found some orange blocked patterned fabric at Hancocks Fabric Store marked 40% off. To save more money, I only replaced the two exposing sides of the skirt with the new fabric. The crib will always be in the corner of the room to allow for the more utilized space, so I just left the old material attached that faces both walls.

Next, I painted over the yellow on this lamp with orange. I had initially purchased this plain white lamp and white shade separately and painted on the accenting detail with acrylic paint to match the decor of the nursery.

Then onto the window treatment. Because the yellowish theme carried over into the valance, I covered over just the yellow stars with cutout pieces of orange fabric. I used the left over fabric from the bed skirt. The remaining colors of the valance, still fit my color theme so I didn't change anymore than that. I had also added a border of this orange fabric to the bottom of the window curtains. These thick panelled curtains were purchased from Walmart on the clearance stand for $7 when Jackson was 4 months old. At that point, he started waking from his naps after only 45 mins and would not go back to sleep. I thought it would help to darken his room for naptime (the honeycomb fabric blinds did block out the light, but the room was still lightly casted with sunlight). And the curtains actually did wonders for his sleeptime. So, they never left :P

I also was looking for a way to condense the diaperbag. Figuring when this little girl comes along, I will be needing to pack a LOT more essential items again (wasn't that a great day when you were able to lighten your load with the toddler??). So I created a organizer insert that I roll up and stick right into the diaperbag. I love it and I can see EVERYTHING when I open the bag!

And Jax's (mandatory) sippy cups fits nice and snug in the middle of the rolled up insert! I have seen other woman with these for their purse - but I needed a larger one for the diaper bag materials. And to organize my wallet, check book and cell phone - I created a small pocket that I can easily take out of the bag when I need to leave the bag with the kids. How cool is that?!?

And lastly, I made a few belts for Jax! They were so simple to make, took about 5 mins and he seems to be quite fond of it! These shorts for summer - are just so long and slide right off his little butt! Can you believe those shorts he is wearing in the photo are 6-9 months? Crazy I KNOW! Sonoma brand.

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Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers for my Grandma. We are thrilled to report that by the grace of God, she pulled through the serious complications of her operation and had her breathing tube removed earlier this week. Within a day, she no longer was hooked up to any machines and was moved out of ICU. Today, she was released into my mom's care where she will continue her recovery process from home. We are so very thankful that she fought through it and that her body is gaining its strength back.

We ask that you continue your prayers as she will soon begin to evaluate what treatment plan is best for her from here on out.

I Saw Her Today

In the ICU bed at Froedtert Memorial Hospital. She was as my mother had described, hooked up to everything and anything possible. She couldn't open her eyes, but was able to respond by head nods. The ventilator that supports 40% of her breathing, completely enables for verbal communication. Watching her struggle to force out painful silent coughs through dried lips was heart breaking. Most of her pain right now is concentrated in her throat from the thick, obstructing breathing tube. Can you image having to synchorinze your coughs with the rhythm of air being forced into your lungs?

Besides the breathing issues, her organs have failed to "wake up" from the sidation of her operation. Her stomach is refusing to process food. She has only received saline fluids and her stomach is emptied every few minutes by a tube through her nose. Is that even enough time for her body to retrieve the vital nurtients it needs to help her immune system fight back?

The cause of her excessive fidgetting isn't quite nailed down yet. The medication combo perhaps? Whatever the cause, it's just miserable to witness her twitching, much less be personally experiencing it. It's amazing she can even fall asleep when her body refuses to settle down. It was a relief to watch her body in peace after another dose of pain meds. She is currently on antibiotics for the pnuemonia. That is still undetermined as to whether it is staph or bacterial. Once it starts to clear - the breathing tube can start to be cut back to allow Grandma to start breathing more on her own.

What must she be thinking right now? Being unable to ask questions, and yet at the same time - being just aware enough to be able to register her pain and answer a few questions with a "yes or no". Have these past few days dragged on for an eternity for her? Or have they passed by in a blurs of confusion and twitching consciousness?

Several times during my visit, I opened by mouth to tell her about my morning with Jackson. We had made plans a few months prior to meet our friends at the Milwaukee Co. Zoo. It was Jax's first time seeing all the animals. I conducted an inward battle between wanting to describe to her the morning I shared with my son that included lots of laughs and animals sounds; how his favorite animals were the monkeys and how he kept pointing at them yelling "Ah ah ah ah ".... and not wanting to make her sad about good times she wasn't able to have. I didn't want to depress her. I didn't want her to think "I can't listen to her story through this pain." So, I bit my tongue - bowed my head and prayed whil I held her hand.
I pray for strength for my grandma.
I pray for hope for my mom.
I pray for positivity for me.

I know the posts that follow will be more uplifting with good thoughts and praises for God's glory, because he makes all things new - and uses everything for good.

... but right now,
... in this moment,
... positivity is hard to come by.

Because the reality of it is, if her body, a body that wasn't too healthy to begin with, is able to conquer these complications... her next battle will be going head to head with Stage 3 Lung Cancer. Which in and of itself, is a life taker for a healthy body.

This Journey Continues

Many of you know and offered support when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer just before christmas. She under went extensive procedures in a very short period of time, although I am sure that December and January were the longest months of her life. But we are proud to report that she just completed her final step a couple weeks ago. She had tattooing done to shade in the illusion of an aerola on the breast that was initially removed, then reconstructed. And thus - she was ready to sign her name on the last page and close this book of her life.

But now HER mother must begin writing her own novel. The doctors had suspected a cancerous mass on her left lung a few weeks back. Grandma had several tests that confirmed she would need the infected lobe of her lung removed. That operation proceeded Monday. But we were more than surprised when the surgeon came to tell us - she has Stage 3A Lung Cancer... a FAR more advanced form of the cancer than we were initially led to believe.

And so it starts again...

Only this time, Grandma has been experiencing serious complications from her operation. Not only have her fatal organs failed to "wake up" from the anesthia, but she has also contracted pnuemonia. We are not yet aware if the infection is bacterial or staph. She has had a main port put in today while she was incubated due to several failed attempts to raise her blood oxygen levels. The doctors are working to concoct the appropriate medication combination for her, but in the meantime - she has been hallucinating and physically fidgety... a miserable state.

Please give a moment or two to ask God to bring peace to this family. Peace in any and every sense of the word. My grandmother is very uncomfortable and quite confused - and my mom maybe faced again with witnessing her parent struggle to live, only two short year from her father's passing. I don't believe I myself, have really begun to process what this could mean and how serious this may become.

I am not going to question why.  I know very well that the Lord has his reasons for his plans. We have truly seen that materialize for my mother since her battle, we are grateful for his reasons.

But since December 2009,

My Mother
My Aunt
My Grandma

all have been faced with the fight of cancer.

What is so hard to swallow - is our complete inablity to understand why. But what I can accept, is that we just aren't meant to understand now. 

But someday we will.  

Easter Goodies / Mom's Progress

I have Jackson's Easter basket all ready! This little boy doesn't have a thing for chocolate candy, so I kept it light with only the Reese's Pieces. Everything you see here, save for the Children's Prayer Book ($8) and the Gerber utensils ($4), was only $1 each. I had taken Jackson outside yesterday to play in the driveway and enjoy the 40 degree weather... but realized we don't have any outside toys for him! I was thrilled to find the two bats/baseball sets and the big bouncy ball. Also, the egg shaped side walk chalk will be perfect for his little hands. He will love the bubbles and the squishy water balls when summer finally comes. I can't wait to see his face when he sees all the balls that the Easter Bunny brought him, those are his favorite right now :)

My mom came to visit for a few days this week. The first chance she has gotten since her last operation in mid Feb. The procedure went well as far as the results of her implants, however she experienced some nerve damage in her arms/neck that has persisted since she woke up from anesthesia. Mom has received a EMG test administered by a neuralogist which determined which nerve(s) were effected and confirmed that she has a buldging disk. It can be assumed that this damaged occured due to the several times she was hoisted to a sitting position during the operation to assess the progress of her implantation.

For the past three weeks, she has slowly started to get back the feeling and mobility of her right arm. But to compensate for the lack of control of her right arm, she has been needing to use her left arm alot more.... which has now begun to take it's toll on that pectoral muscle... which had just been lifted and had an implant inserted. So, this may be a slow process to recover from this unexpected event. We are still extremely fortunate for the results of her cancer having been contained where it was, and for no necessary need of further treatments. My parents are leaving for their long awaited, much deserved Mexican vacation this coming Saturday.

Mom and Jax

Everyone hear the good news about my mom's treatment for breast cancer?

She needs NO chemo therapy treatment at all. She also just received her last saline injection in the expander so she is all set for reconstructive surgery. One of the things my parents were happy to find out, was they didn't need to cancel their vacation to Mexico in March. After all this, who couldn't use a vacation right? Well, Mom called me two days to say that her reconstructive operation is scheduled for Feb. 11th. This procedure will be a replacing the expander with a more suitable implant, as well as lifting and shaping the other breast to match.

Everything has moved SO fast since she received her diagnosis in mid December. So not only will my parents be enjoying the coveted Mexican sun while sippin' down SoCo and diet cokes (or Pepsi if they have it), but Mom will be filling sporting a new bathing suit and through her cares to the wind. Certainly not where we thought we would be!

And as the children at Pathways Church are closing their BIG series this weekend, I will recite the passage that they have all learned this month...

Philippians 4:13

"I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength"

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After a long hiatus due to camera failure...

Welcome back to the blogging world, my son!

Who can resist those long eyelashes?!?

What Protects One, Can Promote Another

I received a comment on my previous post Lets Talk Breast Cancer from Elizabeth at Confessions From a Working Mom. Because my post was tailored exactly to what  we learned regarding my mother's case, I didn't write much further into how your body could be susceptible to other forms of reproductive cancer... frankly we didn't learn much of that from our oncologist because my mother had a hysterectomy a few years back and so the information was a moot point for us. That being said, I most certainly do not want to minimize the point that Elizabeth brought up, I wanted to share it with you.

"I really found all your information about breast cancer interesting; but something I learned earlier this year, when my daughter's Godmother was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer, is that cancers of the reproductive track particularly uterine and ovarian, work much the opposite of breast cancer; the more children a woman has (ie, the fewer monthly cycles in her lifetime), the more likely she is to get those kinds of cancers. It seems like am awful cruel twist of fate that what might "protect" you from one could put you at risk of the other."

What a cruel twist indeed! Thank you Elizabeth for sharing that with me. I do recall hearing from the oncologist when we spoke about the medication Mom is to take for 5 years, Taxmoxifen - is that there is a chance that this medicine could have an adverse affect on the uterus (again, not an issue in our case - so I didn't even write it down) - but a possible concern for a woman of child bearing years.

Let's talk Breast Cancer

Yesterday I listened, fascinated, to my mom's oncologist describe to us exactly why women get breast cancer. Intrigued? I think it is definitely worth my time to give some details and information for you all to read and process. Please know that these are the facts that our particular oncologist supplied us with based on statistics and trends.

First of all, what do we know about breast cancer?

1 in every 8 woman will get breast cancer. That is average. This considering your chances have not been increased by the cancer gene running in your family blood line.

We know that women who have had no children, or have not breastfed - have a slightly higher chance of getting breast cancer.

We know that women who take birth control have a higher chance of getting breast cancer.

Let's talk boobs, shall we?

The female body was created to 1) have children young and 2) have many children. 100 years ago, families were big and the mothers practically breastfed for 15-20 years straight. Sound overwhelming? I think so! What exactly do the breasts contribute to our bodies? Many of you are aware that you may be ovulating because your breast become tender. During this time (about 2 weeks prior to menstruating) your breasts start producing more breast cells/tissue. This is done to prior your body for becoming pregnant. Yours breasts are one of the only factors that sustain your pregnancy for first few weeks. Weird huh? When you do not become pregnant, that extra tissue is destroyed. This process of creating and destroying breast tissue, is considered the active stage of your breasts. After the first few weeks of pregnancy (in which your breasts prepared for milk production), the breasts become dormant. Even while they produce milk and feed your baby, they are not making new breast cells and therefore this time is also considered dormant or inactive.

Breast cancer forms when your breasts are in the active state. If a woman never gets pregnant and decides never to breastfeed, their breasts are never given a break. They are always producing and destroying cells... leaving them susceptible to possible cancers. (1 in every 8 woman).


What about birth control?

We know that if breast cancer runs in your family, as a woman you are advised to seize all birth control pill usage. My mother's cancer was estrogen receptor positive. This means that the natural estrogen that my mother's body produced, was feeding the cancer. More on mom's case later*. Because birth control pills have high amounts of estrogen, this can potentially higher your chances of cancer (at least the estrogen receptor positive cancers). I was told to stop taking all birth control pills when mom was diagnosed.


But what else does birth control pills do to the breasts? It causes the breasts to produce more breast tissue during ovulation. This makes the breasts work extra hard (over a course of many many years) to produce and destroy the cells.


Moving on....

When mom was diagnosed with Stage 1 ductile breast cancer, she was given an option between 1) Lumpectomy with the aid of radiation or 2) Mastectomy with no radiation necessary. Most often, the final decisions is a cosmetic one. Are you large breasted? Are you small breasted? Can you afford to lose a chunk of your boob without it looking funny? My mom could not ;) Love you Mom! So she opted for the mastectomy on Dec. 17th. During that operation, an expander was placed inside. Each week, she has gone in for saline injections to slowly fill up the expander (deflated implant) to help stretch the breast tissue. She gets 100 cc at each injection, which just makes me cringe... but she is handled it like a champ.

* More on Mom
The oncologist concluded that my mother's breast cancer was clearly textbook.
She had three children in her early-mid 20s
She never breastfed her children
She had a hysterectomy a few years ago and have been on hormonal replacements. These hormonal replacements had high levels of estrogen. Her ovaries were removed and so her body was naturally receiving very small amounts. Are you seeing the irony yet? Her cancer was estrogen receptor positive... she took straight estrogen hormonal replacements for the past 3 years. When you are on hormonal replacements, you are given the same amount of estrogen all the time through the pills. Where naturally, your body releases it in cycles.

What does this mean for Mom?
1) 0% chance of a recurrence in the same breast (it's gone)

2) 7-10% chance of a recurrence somewhere else in her body.

3) It does NOT run in the family.

If my mother were to be treated with chemotherapy, it would lower her chances of getting cancer by 20-25%. That's 20-25% of her original 10%. So, it would bring her chances of a recurrences down to approx. 8%. BUT it would raise her chances of contracting leukemia by 3%. So the oncologist concluded that by subjecting Mom's body to chemo to bring a 10% chance down to 8% was NOT worth increasing a leukemia possibility to 3%. Therefore, Mom does NOT need chemotherapy!

Needless to say, all three of us in that clinic office said "What?" Not receiving chemo was not even a thought to us. Mom's surgeons told her she would indeed need the treatment, because apparently - they like to prepare you for the worst.... well they accomplished that! We had prepared for the worst type of chemo treatment. We were overjoyed and so relieved when we were told otherwise.

4) 1 in 4 chance the cancer could return in her other breast. Mom will be put on TAMOXIFEN for 5 years. This anti hormonal drug (again, the irony!) will continue to block any estrogen that her body produces (which again is small due to her hysterectomy). This medicine will protect her other breast and reduce her chances of a recurrence by 30-45%, bringing the original 1 in 4 chance up to 1 in 7. And 1 in 7, comes pretty close to 1 in 8, the average for every woman.

Where do we go from here?

Once the expander is filled to a size of her liking, Mom will undergo a complete breast reconstruction and an augmentation on her other breast. she will go back to her yearly mammograms and continue to take the anti hormonal meds for 5 yrs.

What can I say? We have been given the best possible outcome for this journey, though we were preparing for the worst. Never losing sight of God's glory and grace.

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge him in all your ways and he will make your path straight"

Requesting Prayer

I will be driving to my parent's house this Thursday evening. Friday morning my mother will be meeting with her oncologist for the first time. She has asked me to accompany her and my father, but honestly - I was going to go without being invited. I will be leaving Jackson with my cousin while we spend the late morning discussing the treatment plan for her on forward.

Please pray that God will help to lay out our path with no complications. Help my mom to continue this walk with grace and patience. Please pray for the understanding that God will control this situation and use modern medicine and gifted individuals to do His work. Please pray that I, along with the rest of my family, can be strong for my mother when she is unable. And as the hardest part of this journey unfolds, pray that my mom will allow herself to lean upon us. May she be able to look past her changing features and always see the beautiful, graceful, compassionate woman inside. The person that everyone else can't help but notice and admire.


Our memory verse from church this week... and so fitting

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your path straight."

Dawn's Caring Bride

And the train rolls on...

Goodness, where to begin?

I have taken a break for a few weeks from posting because quite frankly, my heart wasn't in it anymore. Or at least the emotions I was feeling... only made me feel worse when I started to type.

I want to thank everyone full heartedly for your support and encouraging words for my family. I was so touched and proud that many of you visited my mother's Caring Bridge site and felt her encouraging wisdom and prayers as well. It is so comforting to hear the success stories of others whom have encountered cancer within their families. Everytime we hear someone say "I have been Cancer Free for 5 years!", what wonderful news!

Here is what we know regarding my mother's cancer:

This type of breast cancer is Duct Infiltrating Carcinoma. We were overjoyed to hear that the cancer was contained within left breast nodule only. There was no evidence that it had spread to her lymph nodes. Mom has been classified as Stage 1. What wonderful news that was for us!

My mother underwent a full mastectomy on her right side. They removed all the breast tissue and implanted a deflated saline implant. The plan is to slowly fill up the implant over a matter of several weeks to stretch the growing tissue/skin. This way in the future there will be enough breast tissue to support a full augmented implant.

She is feeling very optimistic about the recovery from this operation, however she is very apprehensive about the upcoming (unknown) chemotherapy treatment. Because of her age (49), the doctors said she will most definitely receive some type of chemo. Mom will be meeting with an oncologist in the near future to discuss the necessary plan of action. We have been told that she will more than likely need intraveinous chemo, and this part scares her greatly.

But over all, things have been looking up for us! THe train rolls on and we are just along for the ride. We have already begun to see the work that God has started from this experience. Many old relationships have been revived... but that is for another post. The photo posted is from the day after Christmas, my parents, my brother and I. Taken 10 days after her operation... she would never let you know it!

I will be back to share our Christmas photos soon. Anyone tired of seeing Christmas photos yet?
Can you believe it?... my camera BROKE right before Christmas! I have been sans camera for almost a month now and it's horrible!

Thank you for checking in!

Dawn's Caring Bridge Site

Weary Hearted

Christmas music,
Christmas lights,
Christmas cookies and delicious treats.

Christmas cards,
Christmas parties,
Christmas stories and visiting family.

Falling snow and building snowmen,
Decorating the Christmas tree,
Shopping for Christmas gifts.

How can one NOT be in the mood for the Christmas Season?

Simple.

This time of year seems to bring on the hard times for our family.
Something about this time of year that delivers bad news.

December 2005: Paul's Aunt Joni passed away from a long battle with breast cancer

December 2006: Paul's father Mike, suffered a heart attack

December 2007: Paul's mother Kathy, was diagnosed with stage 3a breast cancer

And this December...
just one week ago...

My mother, Dawn has been diagnosed with breast cancer


We know that she has a nodal that is malignant. We know that she has had her second of three biopsies today - to determine if the present calcification spots are also malignant. We know that Mom is opting for a double mastectomy to eliminate greater chance of a recurrence in her breasts. We know that this Wednesday, Mom has an appointment with a surgeon at a larger hospital for a second opinion. We know that she had to give up her passion... running a daycare out of her home, for 6 months while treatment and recovery are necessary. She had to sit her young children down and explain to them that Dawnie is going to be sick for awhile and will not be able to take care of them.

We don't know the stage of cancer yet. We don't know if the two enlarged lymph nodes have been infected or not. We don't know exactly what type of treatment will be necessary to beat this cancer.

We know that cancer has spread through our family like... well, like cancer.

We know that while this time of year should be greater than all other times, a time to celebrate the birth of Christ Jesus and rejoice for the gift that was paid for us so many years ago... while this should be the only thing that matters .... we are faced with yet very trying Christmas season. We are heavy hearted and weary hearted.

I know that The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear?
I know that The Lord is the strength of my life. Of whom then shall I be afraid?
Psalms 27:1

Father, please give me strength for the road ahead. Please allow me to be the steady hand when my family needs one to hold. Please ease my weary heart and fill me up with your gracious hope and courage. I pray for you to fill my lips with the words you will have me say, when I have failed to find them on my own.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/dawnpuerling